Black Chamber by Becami Cusak, published by Lamentations of the Flame Princess.
A border war between Spain and Portugal has become a war of attrition. To break the stalemate, Portugal creates a super soldier training program: the Black Chamber, a Soldiers go to a cave in the hills where this secret base is hidden, expecting to become deadlier than ever, but something goes wrong. They're gone. No word from anybody at the base in over a year. Anyone who goes looking disappears. Naturally, we must go look for ourselves.
Crew: Ross (Cleric), Rachel (Specialist), Phoebe (Magic-User), Chandler (Specialist), Monica (Fighter)... the players requested a henchman named Joey (Fighter). Any similarity in names is purely coincidental.
Setting: Setúbal, Portugal (1657).
Theme: Rembrandts - I'll Be There For You.
The Adventure
There's a table for ideas on how to involve the crew in this Black Chamber intrigue. I roll a 3: The adventure begins as a mission from God. God speaks to the team's cleric using sand, stone, and seagulls.
Me: Setúbal in the summer is a lovely vacation spot, but Ross, the moment you step into town you collapse into a grand mal seizure. There's a light brighter than the sun, and you feel the caress of angel wings all over you. A loving voice says: Ross, you are my torch to dispel the darkness. Follow the wings of angels. To everyone else, after a long day of walking in chainmail and heavy robes, Ross has collapsed to the ground and is perched upon by seagulls."
Ross: Uh oh.
Chandler: Somebody throw some fries, quick.
Monica: I break up a ration and throw it to distract the seagulls.
Me: You expect a feeding frenzy but the seagulls fly away to angelic choir music. Glory be. Ross, you awaken a prophet.
Ross: I am the Torch of God, everyone. Seagulls are gonna show me the way. I go looking... for seagulls.
Chandler: I'll follow, giving everyone a disconcerted look.
FAST FORWARD through meanderings in Setúbal. A wandering encounter roll of 1d6 turns up 6, no hostiles. The local watering hole, reaction roll of 5, couldn't be bothered with the team.
Me: (remembering the vision) A gritty, sandy breeze blows in your face, Ross. And you hear seagulls. They flock and circle, almost hovering in mid-air, signalling with their wings for you to follow. Come along, Ross!
Ross: I chase after the seagulls. Come on, guys! Angels!
Monica: So weird.
FAST FORWARD. The Ref leads them to the false entrance to the Black Chamber. Another wandering encounters check turns up nothing.
Me: After following these angelic seagulls for hours, by sunset you climb the cliffs of the seashore, to a cave. Seagulls dive into the mouth of the cave and disappear into the darkness. Suddenly, all is silent, aside for the lapping of the waves.
Ross: I light my torch and walk in.
The rest follow.
Me: You reach a large iron door. It's shut.
Ross: Guys, I think the seagulls went through the door here.
Chandler: Is this heat-stroke? Can we fry an egg on his head, yet?
Rachel: I don't want to use imaginary seagulls as the compass, you know?
Ross: Come on, guys! Charge!
Ross throws open the door, charges into a room, and meets two Conquistadors. One carries a lit torch, the other carries a shortbow. The one with the bow trains it on Ross, the other draws his sword. Initiative. Friends 4, Conquistadors 1.
Ross: I brain one with my mace, all the while screaming I am the Torch of God! 14.
Me: You rattle his helmet but only manage to spin it around his skull once.
Monica: I come in. I want to chop the guy with the bow. 17 (damage 8. Describe your hit, says the ref.) I sidestep Ross and give the bowman a solid chop on the arm with my longsword, exposing the bone.
Phoebe: I shoot my crossbow at them.
Me: Do you take a round to aim?
Phoebe: Oh, hell no. 15.
Quick rolls. 1 - 2 are Conquistadors. 3 is Monica, 4 is Ross... I roll a 4. His back is exposed, attack is from behind, gaining a +2 to hit. 15 becomes 17.
Me: Roll for damage.
Phoebe: Oh yay. 4.
Me: Ross. You feel a sudden sharp impact hit you between the shoulder blades, and you can't breathe. You take four damage.
Phoebe: Oh no. I'm sorry!
Ross: Ow. Uh, I'm down at 0.
Phoebe: Shit! What kind of game is this where you can just murder your friend accidentally?
Me: (ignoring question) First blood goes to Phoebe. Ross, (rolls) your torch stays lit.
Ross: Oh, did I have my torch out, not my shield? Would that have saved me?
Me: Nope.
Chandler: What about God?
Me: He is mysterious.
Chandler: Just checking.
Ross: I'm gonna play Joey, if you can't bring me back.
Chandler: I'll step in, try to sidestep Monica, and backstab the bowman with my dagger... for six.
Me: You spend your time dodging Monica's wild sword swings, but eventually get into position for your next turn.
Rachel: Can I roll for Joey? I wanna avenge Ross.
Phoebe: No! It was an accident.
Rachel: I mean the guy with the sword. I'm gonna attack him. Altogether, 16. Joey has a two-handed braveheart sword, samurai chop to the neck for... 10 damage.
Me: And you slice cleanly through his neck, and his head rolls like a melon on the ground.
Rachel: Yay. This one's for you, Ross.
Rachel: I still have a turn. I'm gonna hit the last guy with my longbow. But I'm gonna spend the turn aiming.
Phoebe: Don't shoot your friends in the back.
Me: The Conquistator's turn. Nearly dead, sees his friend decapitated, rolls a 4 for morale. He's going down with the ship. He has his bow drawn, and is surrounded, so he's going to drop his bow and launch himself at Monica, and try to grapple her. Monica, roll and add your strength.
1 for Monica, Critical Fail. 10 for the Conquistator.
Monica: Uh oh.
Me: He falls onto you, grabbing at your chainmail, and his forehead clunks painfully against yours, doing no damage but he's got ahold of you. Give me a saving throw against Poison.
Monica: No! 2.
Me: You notice the black wetness around the corners of his eyes and mouth, and his foul breath. He's sick with something. You
Chandler: Can I shank him, sneak-attack-style?
Me: Sure can.
Chandler: 14. Does that hit?
Me: +2 for his back exposed to you, so yes.
Chandler: Thank you god, and seagulls, that's 5 with my sneak attack.
Me: How do you end this foul conquistador?
Chandler: I carve out a kidney, pretty much.
Me: Monica, he falls dead at your feet. You have two dead conquistadors at your feet, and Ross laying there. Lets say there was a 50% chance of their blood falling on Ross. Even he got bloodied, odd he didn't. 7.
Ross: Go me.
Me: You all see that Ross is still breathing, unconscious but still alive. He'll awaken in... (1d6 rolled 6)... Ross, what is your constitution modifier?
Ross: 10.
Me: 6 hours.
FAST FORWARD. The group decides to take a rest right here. They're informed that there are no healing benefits to resting in a dungeon. They do not want to proceed without Ross being awake. Makes sense. They build a small fire and wait. I go to roll for a wandering encounter, and check the book for a table, when I realize I screwed up.
They should be in the Black Chamber already. I moved them from room 1 to room 2 without consulting the map first. Nobody will notice that one so I just let it slide. In lieu of this, I forgo the random encounter roll, and riff on a
Me: As you warm yourself by the fire, you realize you're resting under a great Spanish flag, nailed to the wall.
I realized the adventure was set in Portugal, not Spain. Should I fix that?
Chandler: The Spanish Flag? Wait, are Conquistadors Spanish or Portuguese?
Rachel: (Looking it up on her phone) Both. Either or.
Chandler: Well, I guess the Spanish have moved in, and gotten some kind of plague. I pull down the flag. My guy is Portguese, and proud.
Me: You reveal a secret door.
Chandler: See.
Me: Ross, you awaken, full of visions of the afterlife. You should've died but somehow survived. God obviously wants you here.
Ross: With zero HP. I'm gonna cast cure light wounds on myself for... 4 hit points. I'm back.
Me: Like that, Ross looks completely restored. The bolt drops out of his back and clatters to the floor. The puncture wound seals over with healthy skin.
Ross: Lets check out this door.
Me: (Quickly remembering Monica and her alien rabies) First, Monica, it started as a tickle in your throat, and got worse. You have a rattling cough, and the occasional black spittle comes out of your mouth, and into your glove.
Rachel: I scootch away from her and cover my nose with a handkerchief.
Monica: Aww, guys, I'm gonna die!
Ross: At least it's not at the hands of a terrible archer. Can I take a look at her and discern if I've seen this disease or not?
Me: Were you a medic prior to this?
Ross: Can I be?
Me: Sure. Roll under your intelligence.
Ross: Intelligence 8... I'm a little slow... 5!
Me: This is new to you. You get the feeling it's something new to Earth, period. All you know is it's spread by close contact, similar to bubonic plague.
Ross: Burn the bodies. Burn Monica. It's an alien disease. God doesn't like it.
Monica: I'm a goner anyway, so I'm going through the flag door.
The rest follow Monica's lead.
Me: Who's got the light?
Phoebe: Me. I'm the light bitch, no longer trusted with a crossbow. I'll light my torch.
Me: You enter a large, dark room. You can't see all corners with the current light provided, but the walls and floor are blackened by something covering the flagstone walls and floor.
Ross: I take a closer look at the blackness on the floor.
Me: It's something abnormal, black dust and black oil, it appears to be the same thing but exists in both a liquid and powdery state. It doesn't seem to do anything to your boots as you walk over it. Then you hear a click, and feel a shift of weight in the room, almost as if the room itself is now moving. Then something clicks, everything settles, and while you're getting your bearings, a metal eye-stalk with an orb on the end peeks down from a hole in the ceiling. It scans everything in the room with green lasers, then retracts back into its hole.
Chandler: What the shit was that? Can I reach that hole?
Me: No, it's about 50 ft. above you. You could only see the glint of the metal, and the shine of the lasers, but to make out any more detail would require you to climb somehow.
Roll for Black Chamber encounters... 1d20 is a 1, 1d6 rolls a 2. Magnesium Flares, 2d6 worth of them... 4.
Me: Suddenly, that hole in the ceiling opens again, and four unlit flares are spit into the room.
Chandler: This thing is paying out. I'll take them.
Roll. 20 and 4. Green Scanner. Roll to see what it says...
Me: The eyeball scanner pops out from the ceiling once again, and re-scans the room, this time erratically and with some shaking. Then a static-y phonographic voice speaks into the room over an unseen speaker: Please prepare your papers. Then the mechanical eye retracts violently.
Chandler: What?
Phoebe: Were we supposed to have papers? Like tickets?
I roll for another encounter. 1 and 2, which is a re-do of the magnesium flares. No doubles allowed.
Me: You here a strange series of clicks and whirrs behind the walls. The room vibrates for a moment. Then nothing happens.
Random Encounter: 3 and 2. Fransisco De Lima. A knife throwing mage with his spellbook tattooed on his left leg. When he throws a dagger, his mirror-image selves all throw one as well.
Reaction Roll for De Lima. 3. Hostile.
Me: A mage in tattered purple robes is lowered from the ceiling by a platform. He's in manacles, around his wrists and feet. He's been tortured, and seems half-mad from the experience. He howls angrily upon seeing you all.
Roll for initiave: 5 for the friends, 4 for De Lima.
Rachel and Phoebe both spend a turn aiming. Phoebe has forgotten that she didn't draw her crossbow, but we let it slide, so long as she places the torch on the ground. Chandler lights a magnesium strip and throws it at De Lima so he's well lit, then steps behind him. Joey, Ross, and Monica all swarm him, weapons drawn, ready for the attack. They're not particularly sympathetic to De Lima.
De Lima casts Mirror Image, 1d4 mirror images appear, and rolling a pitiful 1, creates only one mirror image of himself.
Round 2: Joey slices De Lima with a slash of his two-handed sword, destroying the mirror image. Ross and Monica both miss. Rachel hits De Lima with a crossbow bolt for 6 damage. Phoebe misses. Chandler attempts a backstab but is still seeing the sunspots from the magnesium flare he launched, and misses. De Lima seeing he is going to die quickly. Morale Check: 5, stay and fight. He says: If I am to die, I am taking you with me. He reaches out a hand, points it at... random dice roll to see who he'll blast with a 3rd level magic missile.
1. Ross
2. Joey
3. Chandler
4. Monica
5. Rachel
6. Phoebe
He points his hand at Chandler and arcane energy rockets out of his palm, as bright as the magnesium flare. 3, 2, and 4 for damage.
Chandler: Oh. I am very, very dead.
Me: Describe your tragic end.
Chandler: The three bolts hit me square in the face. There's a muffled scream, lots of smoke, lots of green fire, then when it fades you see from the neck up I am a blackened skull.
Me: Oh man, he was so young too.
Chandler takes over for Joey.
Round 3.
Joey: I'm gonna avenge my roomie. 12, and a 2 for damage. (prompted by ref to describe the hit). I yell in the mage's face: That was my best friend, you bastard! And I hack off part of his throat, but obviously not enough.
Ross: I gotcha, buddy. 17. And a 4.
Me: That'll do it.
Ross: I say: I am the Torch of God! And I crush his skull with my mace. Eyeballs squirt out, teeth break, he dies in a pile of gore.
Joey: I loot my best friend's corpse. And say a quick prayer for him.
Rachel: Can we... like... look at the room?
At this point I realize I haven't given them much time to explore. It's also here where I realize Francisquo de Lima was meant to be a friendly encounter. Oops. I try to math out how this would work, since every 3 minutes a new encounter happens, and settle on giving them a quasi-turn. They get 3 minutes of exploration, as opposed to 10. The difference is null, but whatever.
As they Friends explore, looking at the various walls and floors, I realize that I haven't found a condition that allows for escape from the Black Chamber.
Me: Enough of you have searched the room to make it clear that there seems to be no latch, button, or way out.
Phoebe: Did the guy have anything magic on him?
Me: You find the tattoos of his spells on his leg. If you were to skin him and take the arcane tattoos, you could transcribe them into your spellbook.
Phoebe: Oh, I do that.
Roll for random encounter. 5 and 1. Green scanner.
Me: The little metal eyestalk appears again, scans, and a tinny voice says: For your comfort and enjoyment, you will now be given a shower of frogs. Nothing seems to happen, though.
Ross: Can I jump up and grab that thing?
Me: It's 50 ft up.
Ross: Can I lasso it?
Me: You can try, next time you see it.
Joey: I'm gonna bang on the walls with the butt of my sword, look for weak spots.
Me: The flagstone is solid. The torch burns out this turn, everything goes dark.
Phoebe: I light another.
Me: As you're lighting it... 5 and 2, green scanner... the eyestalk pops down from the ceiling again.
Ross: Lasso!
Me: Make a ranged attack.
Ross: Ugh. 2.
Me: It's tough to throw a rope 50 ft above your own head and hit a target. The green lasers scan the room, and a tin-sounding voice rasps: Please exit through the gift shop.
Monica: Please tell me a door opened.
At this point I am with the players, I do think there should be an exit, and this seems opportune. I roll on the table to see "which wall" the exit appears in. 2. To keep it interesting, a wall opens up in the cube, but also in the in the darkened axis which holds the cube, but the two do not necessarily coincide. I roll a 4 on the axis, so the eastern wall. Some quick math. The cube exits to the south, then there is a 50 ft drop to the floor of the axis, there are probably mirrors and other contraptions all around the cube. Then there is a 25 ft. walk to the eastern wall, and a 50 ft climb to the next exit. This exit would coincide with room 10 on the map, something I haven't looked up.
I also think about the rammifications of allowing a potentially early exit from the Black Chamber. It is, after all, the Black Chamber adventure. I do want some forward progress, but not at the sacrifice of the experience. I decide to stall for time by making things happen over the course of 2d6 rounds. 8 rounds.
Me: You hear a deep mechanical rumbling, and the sound of gears and pistons sticking, followed by a shrill grinding of metal on metal. Something is happening but it's also going wrong. You hear the flagstone crack behind you as a hidden door begins to open, but it's opening very, very slowly, like millimetres at a time. That's 1 turn on the torch.
Next turn, I decide to simplify things for myself by making everything happen over the course of a turn. By the books, there is an encounter every 3 minutes, but I can't mentally keep up with 3 minute increments for the light source. I could, but I'm working on the fly, and not prepared for that kind of a change up.
Roll for Random Encounter. 10 and 3. Liquid Faeces. Sounds perfect after the audible mechanical malfunction.
Me: From the ceiling, the walls, a viscious tarry liquid leaks into the room. It's quick enough to pool, but steadily runs out of the crack from the gift shop door opening. From the salty, earthy smell you gather it's sewage, and it's slowly covering Chandler's corpse.
Joey: Leave him.
Rachel: I climb onto Ross's back.
Monica: I climb onto Phoebe's back.
Phoebe: Oh yay. I nuzzle her, and whisper comforting lies into her ear. Shh, it'll be okay.
Me: Make a poison save, Phoebe.
Phoebe: Oh shit, she's got the plague! I forgot! Get offa me.
Monica: I'm sorry!
Phoebe: Nat 20!
Me: You chuck Monica off your back, quickly remembering the state she's in, and you think you may be fine, but you can't be totally sure just yet.
Another turn. The door is 2 out of 8, the torch is 2 out of 6.
Ross: How's that door coming along?
Me: It's open about a foot now, but the sewage is about that high as well.
Joey: Can I speed it along with a squat and lift?
Me: You can try. One other person can help.
Ross: Lets do this.
Joey: Does this count as Open Doors?
Me: Sure does. This is a difficult check because you're fighting unseen mechanical things, and it's lifting flagstone, but lets see how you do. Roll an open doors check, add Ross's Open Door bonus.
Ross: I don't have one.
Me: Then it's just +1.
Joey: That makes +3 total. And I rolled a 1.
Me: You manage to jar the door up halfway. If you crouched, you'd be able to crawl through, unless you take off your backpack, then you could squat and shuffle under without dirtying your hands. However, it is absolutely pitch black on the other side.
Ross: I put away my shield and light a torch.
Roll for random encounters. 5 and 3. I'm landing consistently on the green laser option, which at this point is a little annoying, but that's the roll.
Me: From the southern wall, just above your heads by 20 feet, the metal eye stalk pokes out of the wall and scans the room with green lasers again.
Ross: Oh, lasso!
Me: You're lighting a torch, currently.
Ross: Crap.
Monica: Can I jump up and get it?
Me: 20 ft. climb, flagstone... give me a climb check, roll a 1, 2, or 3.
Monica: 3.
Me: You vault up, grab onto the eyestalk, and feel the heat as the green lasers scan right through you.
Monica: I want to pull it clean from the wall.
Me: Grapple check.
Monica: Ugh. 2.
Me: Versus 18. You can tell this thing is too solid to pull out of its fixtures, based on how it's holding you up. The room fills with a tin-rasp of a recording again: Your mandatory bathroom break ends in 10 seconds. 10, 9... it counts down to 1. In that time, do you want to do anything, Monica?
Monica: Can I smash the laser eye with the butt of my sword?
Me: Sure. It's stationary and fragile. You shatter the eye. Components and machine parts dangle.
Monica: I grab them and let myself fall.
Me: They yank out, and you drop. A 20 ft fall is 2d6 damage.
Ross: I catch her.
Joey: So do I.
Some quick rolls. 2d6 turns up 8 damage. I don't want to make this a penalty, so I give them the chance to avoid this damage, or decrease it.
Me: Uh, okay. Ross, Joey, both make a save versus Paralyze.
Ross: 9. Fail.
Joey: Nat 20 baby!
Me: Joey, Monica lands on top of you, but you manage to fall backward without hurting yourself. You cut her damage by half, and take none yourself. However, her flailing limbs strike Ross, 4 damage between the two of you, so 2 damage each.
Ross: Worth it. I rub my head.
Monica: Thanks bud. I give him the components from the eyestalk.
Ross: Wait, did she infect me?
Me: There's a chance. Joey, since you rolled a nat 20 you're fine. Ross, you have a 50/50 shot of being exposed. Even you're fine, odd you need to make a save. 3. Give me a poison save.
Ross: Nat 20!
Me: Christ. Alright, that nasty sword of hers hits you in the fall, but as the torch of god, the blade strokes only your helmet and glances off before clipping your neck. You're a little dazed but it could be worse.
Ross: I'll take it.
Math time. The door lift was one turn. The eyeball stalk lift and fall was one turn. That's two turns off Phoebe's torch, now at 3. Ross has 1 on his torch. Door is halfway, so I'll consider it a 5 out of 8 now. Roll for Random Encounter, whatever that is happens next turn. 8 and 3, confusion gas.
Me: There's the hiss of a gas being released from the walls. You watch around your torches as this smoke swirls, then fills your lungs.
Joey: Can I hold my breath?
Me: Well, okay, this gas was released instantly, making it impossible to take a deep breath in preparation. Here's the options... you can run, launch yourself out of the door, and take whatever comes. If you want to prepare yourself, you'll have to make a save versus the gas.
Monica: I'm a goner anyway. I launch myself out.
The rest decide to take a turn to contend with the gas.
Me: Monica, you erupt out of the giftshop door, and fall into darkness.
I wonder what the odds would be that there's a mirror or mechanism below her which would break her fall. She's falling 50 ft. I'll say there's a 5-in-20 chance she's going to hit something that will break her fall.
Me: Roll a d20 for me.
Monica: 6.
That just stings, but this is the end for Monica. I roll 5d6. 15.
Me: Monica, you fall into the darkness, and after a couple of seconds pass, you crunch onto stone below. Everyone above, it's a little difficult to hear over the waterfall of sewage pouring down, but you hear the clatter of metal far below. Monica is with Chandler now.
Monica: No!
After some discussion, Monica comes to terms with her death. There's no henchmen to take over, and now I really wish I hadn't made de Lima a hostile encounter. I roll the next encounter, 19 and 1, rabid orphans. In the heat of things I forget to have everyone roll against the gas, which will last for the turn plus 1d6 encounters... 1. Okay. Rabid Orphans in confusion gas. Sounds fun.
Me: Everyone make a saving throw versus magic.
Ross: Nat 20.
Rachel: Nat 20!
Me: What's going on with these crits?
Joey: 15. That's a fail.
Phoebe: Ugh. 9. I sniff more gas. Then more.
I roll a 4 and 2 to see what they're currently doing.
Me: Joey, you're wandering aimlessly, looking confused.
Joey: That's normal for me.
Me: Phoebe, you're normal for now. Your torch is at 4 turns. Ross yours is at 2. The gas is still thick in the room when there's a clanking mechanical noise. A door opens up to the north, opposite the gift shop door, and there's a sudden shrill scream. 15 children, filthy and caked with black goo around their noises, mouthes, and eyes, come screaming out of the darkness. Roll initiative.
Joey: Ah fuck. 5.
Me: You all go first.
Joey: My two handed sword, is it longer than this door is wide?
Me: Yeah.
Joey: I tie a rope around it, and use it as a cross-bar in the door, so we can rappel down.
Me: Roll 1d6 first.
Joey: Oh right. I'm wandering aimlessly. 4.
Me: Joey seems to not notice the kids. He's still wandering, but the kids...
I can't do 15 saving throws. Or can I? I bring up the google random dice roller, hit the d20 button 15 times, and two kids save. I'll do the results in batches so I don't go nuts tracking this. 15 - 2 is 13. three groups, 5 kids in two, 3 kids in one. Group one attacks the nearest creature, which are its allies, but group 2 would attack nearest creatures, which are its own allies. Group three babbles incoherently. I think I can work this.
Me: Joey, two kids launch themselves on you. Roll a d20, just flat, because you're confused and not really responding properly. It has to beat what these two kids roll, and I'm giving them a +4. 13 for Joey, natural 19 for the kids. The kids have latched onto Joey, and it looks like they want to bite him.
Ross: Uh, oh man.
Me: However, the rest have become insane from the gas. Most of the kids begin biting each other. Three start babbling and slapping their own heads.
Some quick math and rolls forces me to make these orphans unique. 5 are bit for 1 damage, the rest are fine.
Ross: You skipped our turns there.
Me: Fuck. Sorry.
Ross: No, that's okay, I think I prefer it like this. I get the feeling we're about to lose Joey if we don't intervene, and I get the feeling we're screwed if we intervene.
Joey: Just run, dude!
Rachel: I have pitons. I wanna nail it into door jam then tie a rope to it.
Me: Nailing something into solid stone is pretty intense. What's your strength bonus?
Rachel: Zero.
Me: Okay, It'll take 1d4 rounds to hammer that thing in safely. Otherwise, you can pummel the shit out of it and hope it works in 10 seconds, but you risk hitting your hand for 1 damage.
Rachel: Deal. Yes, the second one, I'll do that.
Me: Roll under your strength.
Rachel: 11. My strength is 10.
Me: You bring the hammer down square on your finger, so hard you think you broke it. 1 damage. But the piton is in and it's solid.
Ross: I tie a rope to it.
Phoebe: I slide down.
Me: Phoebe, you're doused in foul water, but you're able to slide all the way down, and still manage to hang onto that torch. At the bottom, under a waterfall of sewage, you see Monica's corpse. From your vantage point you can see that some ways up on the neighbouring wall there's another doorway open, allowing light in. It's a healthy climb though, similar to the distance you just slid down.
Phoebe: Oh, my bebe. Does she have any valuables on her? I snag her pack.
Me: Next turn. Round 2. Joey, the gas has dissipated. Your head clears up, and you have two rabid orphans clinging to you. What do you do?
Joey: I wanna smash their skulls together.
Fuck. That's cool. Okay, I make something up on the fly.
Me: Your grapple check will have to beat theirs, first. (Grapple beats one but not the other). Okay, you're able to grab ahold of one before he's able to sink his teeth into you, but the one on your shoulder bites at your neck for 1 damage. Give me a poison save.
Joey: Ouch. 5.
Me: He's filthy with that black crud. You know you're not lucky enough to avoid whatever he has spreading to you.
Joey: Figures. Can I do anything with the one I beat?
Me: You have him in your grasp. You can toss him off of you, and take a swing at him with your sword next round, or do some damage for 1 point.
Joey: I think I'll toss him and swing next turn.
Me: Anything else?
Joey: Nope.
Me: You realize you're the first target between your friends and 13 crazy biting orphans.
Joey: Oh! I'm gonna run to my friends, maybe they'll take some of the heat off of me.
Me: You're a tad slower with an orphan on your neck, but the room is small enough that you're side by side with Ross and Rachel.
Rachel: I'm considering pulling a Monica. I take the rope down. Schloop. Does the poop make that rope slippery?
Me: Well, technically... yeah it would. Phoebe did it without a check but that's a good idea. You would be getting a lot of dumpage on your head. I'll tell you what, two options, if you voluntarily make a save to hold onto the rope, you'll get one bonus dice of 1d8 to add to any roll in the future. Same goes for you, Ross.
Rachel: You know, I think I'll take you up on that. I'll do the save. Don't make me regret it, though. Oh, yeah! 18!
Me: You descend, much stinkier than before, and you have that bonus 1d8 in the bank. Ross?
Ross: I'm gonna... take the wimpy way out and just slide down safely.
Rachel: Buck... buck... buck...
Rachel did this slowly, with minimal effort, making it extra offensive.
Ross: Okay, fine. I'll take the roll. Fuck you. Nat 1. Great, Rachel, you got me killed.
Rachel: And he was God's chosen one, too.
Me: Rachel, I'm sure you stepped out of the vile waterfall dumping on you, but there's still a chance Ross's screaming body could land on you or Phoebe. I'm gonna roll a 1d6. On a 1 it's Rachel, 2 it's Phoebe, 3 and he hits some mysterious scaffolding and only takes 1d6 damage, and anything higher and Ross just crashes to the floor... 2.
Phoebe: No fucking way!